FairWind's Life Soundtrack

I carpool with my brother-in-law to school, which means that we sometimes have to wait for each other's classes to get out before we can head home. On Tuesdays and Thursdays, it's my turn to wait, and I have about an hour and a half to kill before it's time to leave. 

This most recent Tuesday, I was sitting in a lovely, grassy spot on the UVU campus beneath a tree, feeling stressed about life. As it happens, I didn't bring enough homework with me to keep me busy, and I was too on edge to get anything productive done anyway. What I really needed was a distraction. Normally when that happens, I go hide in my room and dispel, but that's not exactly an option at school. So, I pulled out my iPod and did the next best thing - just listened to music. 

It didn't work. I was looking for a distraction, but music by itself was too easy to set aside as background noise. Fortunately, Dragon Masters came to my rescue, as it very often does. 

I've been listening to a few songs recently that have reminded me of FairWind's childhood. Music is a pretty big part of fey culture too, so the idea of FairWind actually singing the songs I was listening to wasn't entirely ludicrous. In that moment when I was lying beneath a tree, desperately searching for some way to escape my tension, I thought it could be fun to build up a soundtrack specifically for FairWind. I've been wanting to do it awhile for Dragon Masters in general, but I thought it could be fun to put together a group of songs that are unique to FairWind. I've separated them into two groups: Her youth, and the years of her Dragon Master training. Here is what I came up with:

Youth

• The Orphan (Jane Eyre Musical)
• Exemplifies how she felt in her few moments of childhood. Especially shows the beginning of her yearning for freedom and acknowledgement from her father. Also introduces her passion. FairWind, like Jane Eyre, is a very passionate girl, but she keeps it hidden deep within.
• Nobody's on Nobody's Side (Chess)
• This is the first time she starts to realize that everything she's doing to please her father may not be enough and the start of her wondering if its even what she wants. Her frustration to the world when she's nearing the end of her training.
• Anthem (Chess)
• The beginning of her doubt. The idea of running away is first planted in her heart. This is her clinging to the last hope that she belongs in the place she considers home.
• This is the Moment (Jekyll and Hyde)
• The moment before her final test where she will become the youngest master in the twisted arts and officially a part of her father's elite warriors (or assassins, not sure which yet). Exemplifies her unfailing hope that everything will be better when she succeeds. It's her trying to forget her doubts and cling to her dreams.
• Nothing Left by Beth Crowley
• FairWind's feelings after the test, when she realizes she's chosen the wrong path. Her looking back on why she left her home and how she feels about her father.

Dragon Mastery Years

• Pretend it's Home by Beth Crowley
• FairWind's warrior side taking over after her memories are blocked. She recognizes that she has always been an outcast, but she's going to continue anyway. This is like her preaching to TigerClaw and BurningFeather about what she does and why.
• Open Your Eyes by Bea Miller
• The moment when FairWind chooses to leave her forgotten memories behind her and decides who she's going to be and how she's going to live. The second verse could allude to her brother when they meet again.
• Lost in Paradise by Evanescence
• The moment when even FairWind's stubbornness couldn't save her. Her darkest hour and moment of truth.
• 2007 by Beth Crowley
• Listen to the song. Enough said.
• Undefeated by Daughtry
• The moment when she becomes a Dragon Master
• Where No One Goes (How to Train Your Dragon 2)
• Come on, can't you picture FairWind flying around in triumph to this song? If this were a movie, this would be the song that would end the prologue and transition into the story where you see FairWind as an adult and fully fledged Dragon Master Warrior.

Ode to April

Guess what! I did it! And what's more, I'm not the only one! I think all of my friends who took on the Poetry Month Challenge made it through the whole month. None of us missed a day - how cool is that? Especially for everyone else who managed it, I mean, it was probably much harder for my friends than for me. They all wrote full poems - one a day - and they had school and jobs to balance on top of that! Seriously, I'm sending you all virtual air-fives right now. What you managed to accomplish is amazing. I'm so proud of each of you!

So, other than feeling really cool at the end of the month, what is the point of the Poetry Month challenge? Honestly, I think my friends and I started it just for the sake of the challenge. We were in Jr. High, we didn't care about learning stuff back then. But now, there is a reason we keep trying to do it, despite our hectic adult schedules. Put simply, we do it because it's hard, and none of us are very good at poetry. Well, maybe we are now, but you know . . .

As a writer, there's a lot to be said for poetry. Forcing yourself to work within a certain rhythm, or constrain yourself to words that rhyme, or try to tell a story or evoke an image in a limited number of lines - let's face it, that's hard to do! It's these limits that forces us to stretch our creativity and build new ways of thinking for ourselves. And doing it everyday for a month - you'll be hard pressed to lose what you've gained.

And let's face it, writing one poem a day for a month - that's hard to do. It's almost worth doing just for the bragging rights.

Though, truth be told, I feel I went a little easy on myself this month. Limiting myself to a one haiku a day - though it had its challenges - seemed almost too easy sometimes. After all, they're only three lines. I did have days where I considered dropping the haiku idea and just writing whatever type of poetry I wanted, but I stuck with it anyway. You know why? Because it was different. I'm terrible at poetry! I can't work with rhythms and meters - and let's not even get started on rhyming. So, I may have skipped the rhyming thing, but I wanted to challenge myself to work in meters anyway, and let me tell you, it was hard. The meter of haikus is 5-7-5, but apparently all of my thoughts come out in even numbered syllables, so I was always wanting to do 4-6-4. Finding new ways to phrase my thoughts within the meter was just the kind of creative challenge I needed. It was hard sometimes - even a little frustrating. But I'm glad I did it.

I can't say that I'm a better poet now than I was at the beginning of the month. Indeed, I think one of the biggest things I've learned is that I'm terrible at haikus. And I think I could do better at evoking imagery. I didn't know that before. Now that I do, I can work on it - I can fix it and become a better writer. It's so nice to be able to pinpoint a fault in your writing. It makes bettering it so much simpler. Oddly, it also makes me excited for next April. I wonder what I'll do then . . . Should I try forcing myself to rhyme everyday? Oooo, scary.

Congratulations to all those who made it through this challenge! Even if you didn't - you tried, and that's amazing. This is the first time I've made it through the whole month without missing a day. I think it's the first time for a few of my friends too. What a cool month! Best of luck on all your future writing endeavors. :)

Day 30 - The Grand Finale!

I did it! I did it!
I really, really did it!
No more poems now.

Day 29

Drip, drip, drip, drip, drip.
Water tumbles from rooftops
to the ground, now mud.

Day 28

Waiting is the worst.
With no visible end seen -
like an endless storm.

Day 27

When speaking with fools;
Words, they will not understand,
for their eyes lead them.

Day 26

They say the wind bites,
but they're wrong. It's teeth are dull.
No, I say it burns.

Day 25

The herd moves thund'rous.
Together, one great heartbeat
outside of the land.

Day 24

Simple words work best -
and simple talk can also -
to gift lots of feels.

Day 23

So many voices
that dance in my head - and wait,
for someone to hear.

Day 22

Monsters that think like
us, hide in the shadows, where
they know we can't see.

Day 21

To see them, but brief,
tranquility, amidst their
heightened steps above.

Day 20

Water that trickles,
and drips, and flows, and covers,
can mean anything.

Day 19

Destroying angels
cannot steal those guarded by
Father's tree of life.

Day 18

When morning dawns,
The mocking jays stretch their wings
and bid us all, "Rise."

Day 17

Dream of another
passage through the open sea -
Clouds above the rain.

Day 16

Open space of gold
where run the wild and free;
No tethers on them.

Day 15

(Just saying, the second line is a direct quote from my brother. It's what he came up with while trying to figure out how to describe leaves in the fall.)

The leaves are changing;
Lighter, to darker, to dead.
Blow what's left away.

Day 14

Sun peals over glades,
as freshly kissed my morning.
Forever today.

Day 13

Patchwork of green life -
Blanket to cover what hides
those who can't come up.

Day 12 (did you know this is my 100th post? Whoa.)

Branches bent for all -
a shield against blinding force,
that blesses one path.

Day 11

Upon the mountain,
Gilded white will sigh away
'til it's time repeats.

Day 10

The demon voices
across the tranquil moors, blow
vanquished cries again.

Day 9

I did too much work.
My brain for nice thoughts is gone.
Maybe tomorrow . . .

Day 8

Snails that sludge along
in swamps of slower footsteps,
never come again.

Day 7

Freshly shaven grass -
Or dirt, or mud, I don't know -
Now his shadow made.

Day 6 (I need to come up with more interesting titles . . . )

Dark clouds roll inside -
My old friend, I know so well,
Who blows me far from . . .

Day 5

So very all full,
Not a bite left to cram in -
Somebody stop me!

Day 4

(Note: "Lithe and listen" is a phrase used in many of the original Robin Hood ballads.)

Lithe and listen now;
A child's laughter echoes,
God's most precious aid.

Day 3

Yellow, green, brown - full -
blooming, with the newborn sun
wrapp'd in your heart's warmth.

Day 2

Steaming off the road,
ghosts of all who have past here;
fading with the rain.

Day 1

Her mirror that broke
from eyes as wide as a rose -
falling petal tears.

National Poetry Month Challenge

A few years ago, my friends and I heard from a teacher that April was National Poetry Month. As none of us were (or are), in any way, practiced poets, we naturally decided to create our own Poetry Month Challenge. For every day of April, we would write one poem. We had to actually write a poem every day. If we missed a day, we couldn't write two the next day to make up - you had to write a poem every day.

That first year, I'm pretty sure none of us made it. We got really close, but (actually, it may've been on the same day now that I think about it) we forgot to write a poem until after midnight on one day. It was quite tragic. The next year, we didn't hardly try at all, and last year, I forgot about it until June. Good stuff!

Well, now, another poetry month is approaching, and I've decided to take the challenge again. But this year, it's going to be much more legit! I'm determined to succeed this year! And to add to the challenge, I'm not going to write free verse this year - which is all I'd ever write in past years. That and acrostic poems. I'm not a very skilled wordsmith, you see. That's why I want to try to challenge that weakness this year. This year, I'm going to write a haiku everyday.

For those who don't know, haikus are actually relatively simple. Usually they only consist of three lines and it doesn't necessarily have to rhyme. They often relate to nature as well. So you may not think this is much of a challenge for me. Ah, but you underestimate my total lack of skill! My challenge here is to fit my daily thoughts into only three lines and hold them to a strict meter.

I'm kind of excited! As poetry is easily one of my weakest points in writing, I'm really looking forward to learning more and, hopefully, become a better writer for doing so.

To encourage myself to hold to this, I'm going to try to post all my poems here, every day as I write them. Or after I edit them, I don't know. However this happens to work, I'm going to try to post every day. I don't know what's going to happen or what I'm going to come up with or even if I'm going to succeed this month, but hey! It's nice to have goals.

Ted: My Childhood Buddy

Ted was my favorite stuffed animal. He was small - just a beanie baby in fact. He was a dog - er, perhaps 'puppy' is a better term. He was a puppy with brown all across his top and white fur across his underbelly and his legs. His ears were short and pointy and when you pressed them down into his head, it made him look like he was sad. His best friend was named "Fred" - another beanie baby puppy I had - and Fred's beanies were always coming out of a hole in his foot. So, Fred was a cripple and Ted would take care of him. Ted was nice to all the stuffed animals and he protected all of them from the evil, grey rat/mouse that used to wrap it's tail around Ted's throat and drag him around. He always escaped and saved the day. Naturally. Ted's favorite trick to do was when I'd hold him by the head and throw him high in the air and he'd just spin and spin so fast and then I'd catch him before he hit the ground. It looked so cool to me. All my friends loved Ted too.

I don't remember when I first got Ted. It as if I've always had him. I do remember walking through a store and seeing a soft, fresh version of him sitting on a shelf. I begged my mom to buy him for me. I went through many Teds. Somehow, I always seemed to lose mine. That's what happens when a kid carries a stuffed animal around with them everywhere. I don't remember what happened to the original. Indeed, I don't even remembering losing it. I don't remember losing any of them. I just remember I went through quite a few of them. I only know this because I have lots of random memories of Ted's fur being so soft - then I'd dunk him in a bucket of water or run through the sprinklers with him and his fur would become flat and smoothed down forever. It seems strange to me to think that Ted was ever soft and fuzzy. He's always had a rough exterior to me. When I think of him, I don't see the plush version I saw in the store, I only remember the weathered little puppy who would fly in the sky with me.

Ted was my buddy through thick and thin. There was one time that I couldn't find him and I was desperately searching everywhere for him. In the end, I found him in the freezer. His head was frozen in a glass of water and his legs were splayed out and coated in ice above him. My sister, Angie, had put him in there out of revenge for something bratty I'd done. I probably deserved it, but that moment was very traumatizing for me. I thought Ted was ruined forever - like I had lost my best friend. But of course, I hadn't really. We got him out of the freezer and he was fine. Another time - well, many other times - I can remember taking him to school with me. It was first grade, and I was close friends with two boys. One was J.T, the other, Jeffrey. JT and I were "funny buddies". At recess, Jeff would follow us around and we'd do silly things that would make him laugh. Sometimes I'd bring Ted to school and we'd play with him too. I remember showing Jeff Ted's favorite trick would always make him laugh so hard. I think Ted was the only stuffed animal I brought to school with me. He was also the only stuffed animal I ever shared with my friend, "Aubrey". In a way, that is. She knew how much I loved Ted, and one day, she found one of him at the store too and bought one. I don't remember what she named hers, but we used to have play-dates with our two Ted puppies and it was so fun. My Ted was the best, of course. You could always tell them apart, because Aubrey's still had fuzzy fur.

Looking back, I think Ted has been the only friend I've had who has stuck with me through all my life. It sounds so silly to say, but you know how attached kids can be to their stuffed animals. Now, I think of Ted, and all I have are the happy memories. True, there are the scary one's like when I found him in the freezer, but I can never remember being without him. I know I lost him a number of times and I know my parents' always bought me a new one, but I don't remember losing him. I don't remember the time in between Teds. I only remember having him. He was my constant buddy; the one that never left.

Now, he sits on top of my dresser, along with many of my other stuffed animals that I couldn't bear to put in storage. He sits beside Fred, so he can always keep an eye on him. I couldn't separate those two if I wanted to. Though I'm now an adult, Ted is a remnant of my childhood that remains with me. He's still here. Though I don't play with him like I used to, what he does for me hasn't changed. He's a symbol of happy memories and better days. He reminds me of innocence and laughter. When I feel really low, I look at him and think that I have a friend that has never left me behind.

That's why I kept him, I think. It wasn't just that I couldn't bear to throw away such a precious childhood toy, it was that I couldn't bear to lose everything else. Maybe it's silly that an inanimate object can mean so much, but that's okay. How empty would life be without a little silly? I'm really lucky to have had a little friend like Ted growing up. Not only did he bring me hours of joy then, but he reminds me of the joy now. Those memories, in times when I can listen, remind me that things will get better. They give me hope. Through everything I've lost while becoming an adult, I still have Ted. I'm lucky that not all of my childhood was left behind. If it was, well, who knows what I'd be?