Ted was my favorite
stuffed animal. He was small - just a beanie baby in fact. He was a dog - er,
perhaps 'puppy' is a better term. He was a puppy with brown all across his top
and white fur across his underbelly and his legs. His ears were short and pointy
and when you pressed them down into his head, it made him look like he was sad.
His best friend was named "Fred" - another beanie baby puppy I had -
and Fred's beanies were always coming out of a hole in his foot. So, Fred was a
cripple and Ted would take care of him. Ted was nice to all the stuffed animals
and he protected all of them from the evil, grey rat/mouse that used to wrap
it's tail around Ted's throat and drag him around. He always escaped and saved
the day. Naturally. Ted's favorite trick to do was when I'd hold him by the
head and throw him high in the air and he'd just spin and spin so fast and then
I'd catch him before he hit the ground. It looked so cool to me. All my friends
loved Ted too.
I don't remember
when I first got Ted. It as if I've always had him. I do remember walking
through a store and seeing a soft, fresh version of him sitting on a shelf. I
begged my mom to buy him for me. I went through many Teds. Somehow, I always
seemed to lose mine. That's what happens when a kid carries a stuffed animal
around with them everywhere. I don't remember what happened to the original.
Indeed, I don't even remembering losing it. I don't remember losing any of
them. I just remember I went through quite a few of them. I only know this
because I have lots of random memories of Ted's fur being so soft - then I'd
dunk him in a bucket of water or run through the sprinklers with him and his
fur would become flat and smoothed down forever. It seems strange to me to
think that Ted was ever soft and fuzzy. He's always had a rough exterior to me.
When I think of him, I don't see the plush version I saw in the store, I only
remember the weathered little puppy who would fly in the sky with me.
Ted was my buddy
through thick and thin. There was one time that I couldn't find him and I was
desperately searching everywhere for him. In the end, I found him in the
freezer. His head was frozen in a glass of water and his legs were splayed out
and coated in ice above him. My sister, Angie, had put him in there out of
revenge for something bratty I'd done. I probably deserved it, but that moment
was very traumatizing for me. I thought Ted was ruined forever - like I had
lost my best friend. But of course, I hadn't really. We got him out of the
freezer and he was fine. Another time - well, many other times - I can remember
taking him to school with me. It was first grade, and I was close friends with
two boys. One was J.T, the other, Jeffrey. JT and I were "funny
buddies". At recess, Jeff would follow us around and we'd do silly things
that would make him laugh. Sometimes I'd bring Ted to school and we'd play with
him too. I remember showing Jeff Ted's favorite trick would always make him laugh
so hard. I think Ted was the only stuffed animal I brought to school with me.
He was also the only stuffed animal I ever shared with my friend,
"Aubrey". In a way, that is. She knew how much I loved Ted, and one
day, she found one of him at the store too and bought one. I don't remember
what she named hers, but we used to have play-dates with our two Ted puppies
and it was so fun. My Ted was the best, of course. You could always tell them
apart, because Aubrey's still had fuzzy fur.
Looking back, I
think Ted has been the only friend I've had who has stuck with me through all
my life. It sounds so silly to say, but you know how attached kids can be to
their stuffed animals. Now, I think of Ted, and all I have are the happy
memories. True, there are the scary one's like when I found him in the freezer,
but I can never remember being without him. I know I lost him a number of times
and I know my parents' always bought me a new one, but I don't remember losing
him. I don't remember the time in between Teds. I only remember having him. He
was my constant buddy; the one that never left.
Now, he sits on top
of my dresser, along with many of my other stuffed animals that I couldn't bear
to put in storage. He sits beside Fred, so he can always keep an eye on him. I
couldn't separate those two if I wanted to. Though I'm now an adult, Ted is a
remnant of my childhood that remains with me. He's still here. Though I don't
play with him like I used to, what he does for me hasn't changed. He's a symbol
of happy memories and better days. He reminds me of innocence and laughter.
When I feel really low, I look at him and think that I have a friend that has
never left me behind.
That's why I kept
him, I think. It wasn't just that I couldn't bear to throw away such a precious
childhood toy, it was that I couldn't bear to lose everything else. Maybe it's
silly that an inanimate object can mean so much, but that's okay. How empty would
life be without a little silly? I'm really lucky to have had a little friend
like Ted growing up. Not only did he bring me hours of joy then, but he reminds
me of the joy now. Those memories, in times when I can listen, remind me that
things will get better. They give me hope. Through everything I've lost while
becoming an adult, I still have Ted. I'm lucky that not all of my childhood was
left behind. If it was, well, who knows what I'd be?
