Fighting Ants in My Pants and Writer's Block

Every writer has a different way of dealing with writer's block. My usual method is mostly just me indulging my procrastination side. I figure, if I can't think of anything to write in a given moment, maybe I'll be able to tomorrow. Why do today what you can put off until tomorrow, right? But, I've got to write sometime, and at some point, writer's block starts to lose it's legitimacy as an excuse.

But, never fear! Writer's block isn't the only excuse I have. Whenever I get really in the mood to write something, I get really excited about the story. That's great and everything, but it means I have a really hard time sitting still. Even when I'm on my ADD medication, when I get excited, I'm just pumped with energy and I don't want to just sit and write. I want to be up and about and doing something. That's part of where dispelling comes from. For those who don't know, when I refer to "dispelling", it means I go to my room, listen to my iPod, and act out scenes in my stories. That's usually what I end up doing instead of writing. Then there are days when I feel physically drained, but still in a writerly mode, but as soon as I pull out my notebooks, it's like my creative juices die. So rude.

Usually when that happens, I just write anyway, but I don't get very much done. So I have developed a new method. 

I was bored today, so I decided to dress up like one of my characters. I've done this before with my character Nella when my friends and I made an ASL movie of it for school, but this time I wanted to dress up as someone else. I was watching these beauty video things on youtube and I saw one about a Dragon Queen hairstyle and one about Dark Angel makeup. I combined them with my own little twists and built up my own costume. It was bizarrely fun. I'd never want to take that much time on myself for a normal day, and I would never want to wear that much make up either, but sometimes it's fun to dress up as someone else. That's the only thing I like about Halloween. I get to dress up - if I want. Heh heh. 

So, here is the result of writer's block, an inability to sit still, and a vivid character in my head. This is FairWind. She's the first real character I ever created. She's a fairy (though in this world they call them fey. Specifically, she's a sky fey), but her wings are usually tucked under her shirt. That's my excuse for why you can't see them in these pictures. She is a three and a half century old Dragon Master. Dragons in this world are actually what they call the magic people have - it's not a reptilian beast. Everyone has a dragon, but few know how to recognize them, even fewer know how to use them, and still fewer are capable of mastering them. Thus, Dragon Masters are considered mythical beasts. FairWind is one of them. She also has mastery of an evil sort of magic (the name of which I haven't yet decided on), but she doesn't know that at the beginning of the story. She's a very stoic, serious, compassionate, vigilant, mysterious type of character.

FairWind has a very special cape that has certain abilities which keep her . . . healthy, per say.

She doesn't smile much. Can you tell?

I'm not actually posing here. I was trying to come up with a way to make the waist-scarf visible. The scarf is one of the reasons you know she's a sky fey. Many sky fey wear similar styles. As FairWind has spent no time amongst her own kind, little reminders like wearing that scarf are small connections she can still have with them. However, the scarf isn't supposed to be visible, because that's where she keeps her daggers.

This is me wondering if I could make this position look normal. 

I'm wearing a skirt as a shirt, if you didn't notice. :) I imagine the sky fey have very lose fitting, flowing shirts because they have to fit their wings in there, and they're usually there for a long time, so I figured a flowing shirt would make sense. It would certainly be more comfortable.

Hey look! She's almost smiling! 

I only took this picture to show the wrist tattoo. It's one of the few clues FairWind has about her past (which she has no memories of), but she doesn't know what it means or why it's there.

I think this pose is supposed to be her daring someone to fight her. I don't know. I was running out of ideas at this point.

Making Myself Giggle

Sometimes it's fun to go through old writing that you've forgotten about. It's even useful, in that if you read stuff from a long time ago, you can feel cool since you're a much better writer now. Every now and then, though, you find something that's really silly. Is it vain to laugh at your own jokes?

My friend and I created this detective character on my sixteenth birthday, and since then, we've made about six mini movies with this character. I've always been interested in taking our little detective silliness and making a legitimate story out of it. As a writing method, I got this green notebook and made it the detective's journal. I've only written maybe two entires in the thing. A few days ago, I was reading through it, and I couldn't stop giggling. I emailed it to my friend as a sort of pick-me-up. If you're having a bad day and need a little something dorky to lighten it, I hope this'll be the something. Possibly you'll just think I'm crazy or that it's stupid, but I'm sharing it with you anyway. :)

So, here are the first three entries. I hope you enjoy!


Transcript from the Detective's First Video Log

Welcome, I am the Detective. My name shall not be disclosed at this time. 

I've been working in this profession for longer than I care remember. Longer than you would think, I assume. I've found most people take the combination of my age and career choice to mean I'm just a delusional child. Honestly, they think I'm a child. Silly adults.

It's not the happiest of jobs, dealing with death - usually . . . everyday. And the crying psychos are never . . . nice. 

So, here I am. I just solved the Laurence Fisher case - the man killed by his uncle - twice removed - for his baseball. It's strange the things people will do for . . . things.

Now, finally, I'm hoping to get some time off. I've got me, I've got my cigar and I've got my beer-water bottle. What more do I need?

I am the Detective. I will find the answer. Because I always do.


First Entry

This book is stupid. I like Bob better. What do I need a journal for when I've got a cameraman? I guess Bob only stops by once a week unless there's a case. And Ally is . . . *insert crazy scribbling* (that's an inexplicable noise that only makes sense when it's - you know, a noise). See, this book is stupid.

BUT I'M SO BORED!!!!!!

Ally's in Indonesia. My nose itches. The guy next door keeps making car screeching noises. It's very sunny outside.

See, this book is dumb. What exactly do I use it for?

Uh oh. I hear crying noises coming closer in the hallway. I think a case is coming for me. *insert crazy scribbling*


Second Entry

A case is afoot! I don't actually know what that means, but Ally says it a lot when we have cases. About feet. This one's not about feet. Never mind.

Crazy-crying-person's sibling is dead and I get to find the killer. Quite tragic and exciting. Bob shall be here soon to make record of the case. Because that's important.

Now I'm wondering why I started writing this entry in the first place.

Writing Spots

I have a lot of places I like to go to write. The Springville Library, the trail off of Snake Pit, the Elk Ridge Park, my kitchen, etc. I have to have so many because sometimes some of them don't work out.  The Springville library is far away, and sometimes when I get there, all the good seats are taken. Sometimes I don't want to walk to Snake Pit or the park where random people may walk by me, but sometimes I just want to get out of the house so the kitchen is no good. I think it's because my writer's psyche is always trying to get me to procrastinate so I have to come up with all sorts of excuses not to, and not having the perfect place to write is an easy excuse.

My current favorite writing spot I've only actually used twice. I didn't consider it as a spot until I had to bring my car in for inspection stuff and I had to wait for it at Peteetneet. I don't know why, but it was really nice there. There were even some people there, and I was still fine with being there. That's kind of weird. But it was really sunny and quiet, even though there were cars driving past all the time. I sat on one of the benches and wrote for awhile, I took a break on the swings, then I found a new place to write on the playground, then I climbed around on the swing set (probably not the smartest idea, but I was careful), and even though there were gardeners around mowing the lawn, I felt really comfortable there. I don't know why, but it's a nice place. It's not just a place I go to try to make myself write, I just like going there.

I even have an enemy on the playground. There's this big hairy spider that's been hanging around both the times I went. He's never gotten close to me yet, but I always seem to spot him, no matter where I sit. Oddly, that makes it kind of fun. I would've thought that having a freaky looking spider following me around there would bug me, but I just giggle when I see it. Plus, today, I got to escape it by going down the slide. I felt so sneaky!

I don't know if my joy at hanging out at Peteetneet is going to last - I'm sure I'll find something wrong with it eventually - but for now, it's fun to go and get lost in my own little world and take breaks by being a kid again.

Picard Quote #3

"Friendship must dare to risk, Counselor, or it's not friendship."

- S 1 Ep 24

Picard says this to Deanna after confiding in her about a huge favor a close friend of his had asked him. She points out that his friend was asking an awful lot of him, and this was his response.

I feel like this quote can be adjusted or rewritten to apply to a lot of things .What I mean is, the thing that sticks out most to me about this quote is the idea that one must be willing to take chances or they're hardly living. That may seem like a bit of a leap, but let me explain.

Don't all relationships require a bit of give and take? Doesn't being in a relationship at all force you to take risks? Friendship or otherwise, being close to someone at all requires you to allow people to see who you are which lays you at risk of being rejected for it. That sounds like a risk to me. My point is, life is made up of relationships and if you're not willing to risk people getting to know you, then how likely are you to risk anything else? Likely you'll just end up rotting in your bubble for the rest of your life.

Take it from someone who is still recovering from nervous illness; taking chances, no matter how scary or even painful they may be, it's always worth it. Picard speaks specifically of friendship here. Ever since I was little, my circle of friends has always been pretty small. I'm not saying this in the hope of getting pity because I happen to really like my friends. However, the reason I have always had so few is because I am naturally very guarded. It's really hard to get to know me because who I am isn't on the surface. You have to be willing to dig very deep and bey very patient if you want to be my friend. Why am I like that? Well, I guess it's basically that I don't trust people that easily. Letting people get to know me feels a lot like placing my heart in their hands, and I don't want to do that unless I know that I can completely trust them not to damage my heart. Maybe I have a fear of rejection too.

This isn't a trait that I'm particularly ashamed of, but it does make me sad sometimes. I know how awesome I am, but my guarded nature tends to make people treat me like I'm made of glass. Their caution to me is kindly meant, I know, but it always feels like I'm a dragon being staked to the ground so I can't fly when people do that. There have also been times that I wonder if I've lost the chance of having a good friend because I'm so paranoid, but who can really say?

At the end of the day, my favorite thing about this quote is the idea that taking risks can lead to something beautiful. A heart willing to take leaps of faith is one that I think will find the truest love. Sappy as that sounds, can you tell me of a relationship where domination, mistrust, and fear have kept it alive and happy? Love and friendship is scary, it requires a great deal of courage and trust. That, I think, is what makes it so wonderful. It's like magic. You may not fully understand it, but it can do amazing things. :)

I challenge all of us to "dare to risk". After all, "Seek and ye shall find". Maybe all we have to do to find such a relationship is look for it. Not just with our eyes, but with our hearts, and that requires action and that is when we must "dare to risk".