Courage and Fear: A Strange Marriage

(If you read my last post, this is the eventual epiphany I had later that day.)


Why do we feel fear? Well, the simple answer is that it's a survival instinct. We're not likely to waltz into a dangerous situation if we're afraid. Fear is what stops us from swimming with alligators and skydiving without a parachute, to use extreme examples. To put a different way, fear is a protector.

So, if fear is a protector, why do we view it as evil? That answer is fairly simple too. Have you ever been hiking and you hear some rustling sound off the trail and you instantly think it's a bear or something similar? Logically, it's not likely to be a bear. It's probably just a squirrel or something. However, when faced with the unknown, our minds have a habit of instantly jumping to the worst-case scenario. After all, if you're prepared for the worst, you're prepared for anything. Thus, we tend to not like fear very much because it forces us to think about thinks we'd probably rather not think about. More than that, fear is an instinct meant to keep us safe, but it's not some sentient being. It's the body's reaction to possible danger. But some times scary things are good for us, but the mind doesn't know that. So we are taught that fear is evil because it so often keeps us from progression and opportunities.

That's what makes courage look so divine. Courage means you can face fear, move through it, keep moving forward despite the instinct to hold still. It's essentially the hero fighting the villain kind of thing. It's also highly thought of because it's rare. Fear is an instinct, but courage is more of an acquired trait. Since it doesn't come as naturally as fear, it's harder to find.

At least, that's what we're taught.

Fear is a protector. Is protecting and safety a bad thing? Courage is our soldier. Is fighting always a good thing? On the other hand, one is a soldier and the other a protector. Their names are different, but aren't those basically the same thing?

Here's what I think: We often think that fear is of the devil because it can keep us from doing good things. However (and this is just my opinion, not gospel doctrine or anything), Heavenly Father is the one who created us and we are only capable of thinking, feeling, and doing what he created us to think, feel, and do. That includes fear. Satan's armory consists only of what we have. He twists good things against us. I think he exaggerates our fear to make it seem more like a monster and thus keep us from doing good things.

We're taught that courage and fear are opposites. Courage means to resist fear - to fight it off, but doesn't the very act of fighting force the bad feelings to remain ever present? I don't think courage is exemplified through battles. I think courage isn't so much a soldier as it is acceptance. Courage is that one that looks at the terrors that fear presents and says, "Thanks for the warning, but let's keep going anyway." Fear keeps us safe, but when it keeps us from growing, courage moves us forward.

A famous saying is "the only thing to fear is fear itself", but I now think that's wrong. Fear itself isn't something to be resisted or fought. Humans were meant to feel fear for a reason. So, shouldn't we allow ourselves to feel it? Feel it, accept it, let it go through you, for once you stop fighting it, you give it the chance to fade away. My point is, I don't think fear is something we should try to get rid of. We need it. We need is as much as we need courage. When those feelings stop battling and start uniting, is there anything that can't be done?

Essentially, it's okay to be afraid. Resisting it is what makes it take control and halts you from progression. Fear will find a way to make itself heard, so listen to it. Only then can you find the courage to decide to keep moving forward anyway.

So, here's to the courage and fear in all of us, not enemies or opponents, but partners.

Dreams and Nightmares

I was having a bit of a writerly struggle for awhile. I think it's something that pretty much every writer has to struggle with in some form or another. The only reason I can think of is because writing - well, creating anything at all is often more of a spiritual act than it is physical or mental. That may sound cheesy, but aren't the best stories the ones told from someone's heart and not their hands?

Below is a page I wrote to myself of what I was feeling. I'm sharing it because I think many people view writers, artists, even actors sometimes as . . . I don't know, less somehow because all we do is entertain, and some may not see that as a helpful contribution to the world. So, here is a glimpse into the mind of a frightened writer.


"The older I get and the more innocence I lose in growth, the more my passions hurt me. Once I could write whenever and whatever and it was always fun. Perhaps now I over think it. I try too hard now to make an honest story so it loses the magic. I'm so experienced now that it's . . . something else.

"I used to be able to write my dreams and it never bothered me that they weren't perfect - because to me, they were. They were just how I saw them, so why need I be hurt? But now, what I see isn't so easily transferred to paper. Now, when I write my dreams, my ink dirties the world and it becomes a nightmare. Once the dreams reach the mortal world, they're no longer pure. It's like I'm a bridge from heaven to earth, but, because I'm no longer a child, the passage that I am is . . . jagged and muddy and the dreams can't come through me without being broken. Now I'm afraid to write. It doesn't matter how I do it, what I write, or how I feel before - I feel terrible afterwards. I'm not even sure why or how it gets there and I know just as much about getting rid of it.

"I'm not the first to feel this way. Norman Mailer once said, "Every book I write kills me a little more." I understand that feeling, but why does it exist? Writing is a passion, and I think I can do good with it. After all, stories affect people. But are writers doomed to destroy themselves so that someone may be touched by our words? I believe that such would make it worth it, but it doesn't mean that I can do it. Like I said, I'm afraid to write. I can't do it because it hurts so much. How can I ever do good if I can't find the apathy to do so?

"I wish I could ask all those who came before, how do I do it? How did you? How do you brave through the pain to find the dream again? How do you make the pain stop? How do you find the heart to write a story when every time you do, it takes away your soul? From a young writer to a wise one, what am I supposed to do?"